Gonzo meant something else
than what I’d thought
in those years
when the guy showed up
from Southeast Asia
He was preparing for Rwanda
or maybe Sudan
and dealing with a microbe
reading mostly Vollmann
and looked like him
if not naturally
it was on purpose that he looked like William Vollmann

I alone understood this.
The hair: whipped, greasy, longer in the back.
the world a battle of broken glass
He went for takeout.
Chinese, across from Farragut
This was winter, dark at four,
the trashed fortress of the order window
a Spike Lee movie but fugue-form no director.
He said man it’s tense out there.
As if he’d been on the front lines
He even wore some sort of flak jacket.
It had a lot of pockets anyway

Some days, it was MRE’s.
That’s Meals Ready To Eat.
Heated them on a Sterno, not our stove.
Said I’m good in my bivouac. Kept it tidy.
Oiled his guns in their special cases
like music cases but for weapons
Does he have to stay I wondered
nah it wasn’t the guns
But his fantasy of gonzo
though I’m using it wrong.
Gonzo is hallucinated runoff
It means you embellish and he wanted uncut real

If he was going to see trees split and people die
it better be actual trees, human people
Surgery in the field no anesthetic
flesh-eating fungus situation
90’s race fantasy with Cambodian hooker
You can picture it but to help you:
this is an armed global trekker in BluBlockers
tromping the Subaltern.
Urban jungle, coup d’etat
if he’s lucky a civil war
He regroups, reloads,
his bedroll on their floor

Dude was his buddy from college.
years of heroin and Habermas.
And then the girlfriend says he has to go.
Sorry man. You know how it is.
Packs up his MRE’s. His surplus army surplus.
No problem I get it.

I get it too, still feel bad
he had a condition not a choice
his funds Mylar space-blanket thin
But once I’d seen inside him—watching him eat, it hurt going down—
he’d worn out his welcome as a guest.